Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
