I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
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I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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