And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you traded sex for a burrito?
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You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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