If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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