so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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