I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
