Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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