party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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