Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
