I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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