you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
