Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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