I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
