just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
