i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
