Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
