do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
