Me too!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
