Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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