My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
