Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
