Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
