The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
