I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
