I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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