i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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