i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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