We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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