it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
