This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
