I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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