Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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