Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
