I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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