Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
