I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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