I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
