You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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