i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
