halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
