The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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