i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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