I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize