the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
