I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
