I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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