barbara walters just said penis...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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