You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
