Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Nicole vs. Life
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
