How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
