I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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