Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
