You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
