why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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