Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
