Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
