Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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