I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
