thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
