too bad you live with your parents still
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize