Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
why do cheetos always look like penises
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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