I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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