Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
