I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
