I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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