First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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