allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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