Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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