Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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