mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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