we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
