remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
