You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
