um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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