I just made out with a guy for $7.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
