What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
