JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
