I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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