i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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